No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize