My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
