Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
