You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
