I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
