cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
