As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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