I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Too much gin, very little bucket
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
