I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
