It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
