I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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