People in love make me want to vomit
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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