was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
