I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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