Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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