I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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