i wish peter jackson would direct porn
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Still dying that you shit outside
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
