just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
