So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize