my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
