then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i now understand why vodka
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
