Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
