I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
