Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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