I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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