He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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