I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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