I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
