so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
