We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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