I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
