what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
