who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
