I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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