And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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