i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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