I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
