Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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