You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
