Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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