you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
