what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
