it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
