whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
