he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
