he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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