I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
