no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
