i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize