hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
