You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
