You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
