I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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