It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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