Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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