i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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