I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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