Kiss
Puke
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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