i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
