So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
