Kiss
Puke
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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