What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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