Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
