How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just gargled with NyQuil
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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