Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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