Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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