i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
