This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
