So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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