i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
