Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
