i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
