I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
