Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
