Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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