I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
