No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
