Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize