Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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