i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
