I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
