you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
