finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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