she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
