Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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