He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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