i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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