Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
