i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
