your parents love me but you hate me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dicks are not precious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
