Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
