Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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