and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
