I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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