when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
