Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
