I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
