It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
