Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
