..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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