ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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