I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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