the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He did a backflip because drugs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
