No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
