The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
