I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
